THAT GUY

Sunday, October 31, 2010, 6:03 PM | back to the top.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXEKuttVRIo&ob=av2e

see if you can understand the true meaning of this short film/music video.

¶ 6:03 PM

meh

Saturday, October 30, 2010, 4:41 PM | back to the top.

So here is the deal. Over the course of this day. I'm going to slowly update this post randomly.

Do you ever wish you could run away from it all. I mean everything. All the shit and all the people. Your parents, school..
I wish it would just all go away.

I MEAN FUCKING HELL. MY PARENTS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. So little anecdote here. I went to the dentist the other day. And she ask do you have any problems with your teeth at the moment. I replied no. After leaving the dentist CUE A FUCKING 10 MINUTE RANT FROM MY DAD. "OH BUT YOU HAD BRACES BEFORE WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL HER HUH?" "OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND JUST TELL HER. WHY DIDN'T YOU."
WELL FUCKING SORRY DICKHEAD. BUT SHE ASKED IF I HAD ANY PROBLEMS "NOW". SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT OKAY. JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT TELL HER I HAD BRACES LAST YEAR DOESN'T MEAN IT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO FUCKING SPAZ AT ME FOR 10 MINUTES OVER SOMETHING SO STUPID.
I mean they are always telling me these days. "Why are you talking so loudly and yelling these days?" "Stop thinking your all top shit now" (P.s. they are saying all this in sinhalese btw ==")

Now in this case. what the fuck do I reply? MAYBE IM YELLING BECAUSE YOU KEEP SAYING BULLSHIT LIKE THIS TO ME ALL THE TIME. ALSO NEWS FLASH BUT IM NOT FUCKING 10 YEARS OLD ANY MORE. GET THE FUCK OVER IT OKAYY. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANY MORE. I HAVE MY OWN LIFE OKAY!
FUCKING HELLL

THEN fuckkk more rage. At certain people. You know those people you think you know? Those who you think understand you. But in fact they are just fake. I wish I was able to see past all the bullshit in people these days. How fake everyone has now become. People put themselves out to be seen in one way. When inside they are something completely different. And when you try to put yourself in a position where you want to understand why they are doing this. Hiding behind some wall they have. They just push you away. Okay fair enough I understand, maybe you can't trust me okay. I'll back off. But that doesn't give you the right to then probe me trying to find something.

Okay that above paragraph most likely makes no sense whatsoever. Well my ragee is noww gone..

Stop This Train - John Mayer

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

I seriously can't believe next year is VCE. The start of a huge stage in our lives. I feel so intimidated by it. I mean it's such a big deal. Being in a school like this, and all the pressure placed among us by parents to get a good score. Gonna be hell..

Well there is my above random thoughts during the fail. pretty fail post hah.
cant be bothered reading over this now.

¶ 4:41 PM

Friday, October 29, 2010, 2:07 AM | back to the top.

mmm...
So just something I believe a lot of guys would most likely relate to.

Why is it you recon guys that we always fall for girls we have no chance with? I mean it's so stupid. You fall for someone, yet you know it won't happen. But it just happens. You can't control your feelings. Then you go through that phase were you think wait maybe she'll see me for who I am. Maybe she'll look past everything else. Looks, idiosyncrasies, personality etc. etc.
But inside you know your just kidding yourself. Coz there are no girls on this planet like that. Maybe I'm just making too wide of a generalisation.
Then you reach an interesting point of regret. Where you think oh well this is just stupid I saw this coming from the beginning. The wasted time, feelings.. You just wish it never happened and will go away.
But it doesn't, always lingers in the back of your mind.
Yet the worse part is you just continue this cycle. Over and over. Guys like me will understand what I mean here. Just doesn't work out for us.

¶ 2:07 AM

Tuesday, October 26, 2010, 3:55 AM | back to the top.

lol you really know you talk to someone a lot when msn asks you to make a new directory file to keep the history records..

¶ 3:55 AM

Monday, October 25, 2010, 2:33 AM | back to the top.

I'm a dick head.
End of story.
I wish the book of my life will end already.
Just get to the resolution.
Too much conflict.
Too many antagonists.
I've done too much wrong.
But what to do. What can I do.
Just let the past 12 months of life, disappear.
It won't happen. What paths I've taken will stick.
The past will never change,
but yet it'll always find a way of merging up,
to the surface.
And disrupting the peace you try so hard to build.
It's not just the past that affects this peace.
But you yourself affect it.
In your decisions you make along the way.
Decisions that are filled with regret,
decisions you want to just disappear.
But of course they won't.
So you just have to live with it.
And do you best to return the peace.
People pass through all the time.
Effecting the peace, changing it's forms.
Until you think you've found an "ideal" setting for it.
What is this "peace" which I speak of. What is it?
Well I don't know. But I know one thing.
The peace will never exist.

¶ 2:33 AM

Sunday, October 24, 2010, 4:15 AM | back to the top.

"I belive that he fell inlove with his perfect girl,but she wasnt inlove with him.She pained him by breaking his heart over and over again,But due to his love for her,it would hurt him even more not to be with her,And there for was in a struggle that either way he looses."

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Vermillion-lyrics-Slipknot/22F4C548A6704ED948256E9A000C12A7

¶ 4:15 AM

, 3:27 AM | back to the top.

WHAT THE FUCK. Okay this is fucked up. People are mentally fucking retarded. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU MANIPULATING ME LIKE THIS.

>

FUCK OFF.

¶ 3:27 AM

, 3:22 AM | back to the top.

rage.

¶ 3:22 AM

Saturday, October 23, 2010, 11:37 PM | back to the top.

RAGE QUIT

¶ 11:37 PM

*seedy face*

, 2:17 AM | back to the top.

Gahh big weekend coming up. Going to city tomorrow with the boys from last year. Good time to catch up. Too bad everyone at JMSS is too busy doing homework etc etc. And for some reason I feel guilty that I'm going out. I have way too much homework atm anyway.

Issues 2000 word report
Science Assignment Poster
Methods SAC study
Methods catch up coursework
Creative E portfolio
Creative Tic Tac Toe
Ice to Fire field work report (soon to be given out)
AND EXAM STUDY FOR EVERY SUBJECT WITH EXAMS IN 2 WEEKS
WTF

But you know what, I don't care. I need a day off, a day to hang out. Homework can go screw itself. I'll get around to doing it later.

Any ways I was going to make a point on something here. Oh yes, once again a lil rant on girls. Yes I know I know.. get over it okay.!
Why is it so hard just to understand what someone is thinking. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Actually I know it's because I'm thinking too much. But I will still rage a lil anyway. Can you for once just make sense to me? Please. Because I don't get it with the random mood changes. The random highness and random lowness. I don't understand... I mean I'm almost 200% sure you don't like me. I mean it's almost certain. But that's just the thing ain't it. "Almost", for some reason in my head there is always this doubt, this uncertainty. It's just because I can't understand you. But then again I can't understand girls full stop. I guess I'll keep one guessing until I understand for certain. In the mean time sitting on the fence seems like a good option.

- damien..
sitting on the fence

P.S. random title I know.. just was LOL'n about it b4 with someone. :P

P.P.S I will now remove the random dog showing up on my blog for some reason...?

¶ 2:17 AM

Friday, October 22, 2010, 5:54 AM | back to the top.

LOL i just saw the random dog in my blog?
WTF i didnt put that there?
mehh ill fix it later.
sorry for the complete randomness.

¶ 5:54 AM

, 5:53 AM | back to the top.

"You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you're tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won't be. But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing. And you're still staying strong and fighting. You're fighting."

¶ 5:53 AM

Thursday, October 21, 2010, 4:34 AM | back to the top.

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You - enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you
And when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky
Like children do
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town
and look around at all the beautiful houses
something in the way that blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day

¶ 4:34 AM

, 2:47 AM | back to the top.

Don't you just hate it when you can't do anything about a situation.
Your just stuck there with no way out. Coz the full fucking world just likes to watch you burn for some reason.
I see it everyday. Your just stuck in between two walls coming ever so closer to you, but you can't fucking do anything. So what do you do? You try to survive as best as you can, trying to climb out. But eventually the walls close and fall in.

The end.

¶ 2:47 AM

Tuesday, October 19, 2010, 3:35 AM | back to the top.

smile in my definition: is a charade where you perceive to be happy and express it from your face where you lips show the opposite expression of crying/sad/depressed. A charade that through time helps you out to get through life's shit load too

stolen from dulare

¶ 3:35 AM

16?

Monday, October 18, 2010, 1:58 AM | back to the top.

So yerp this is just what the title suggests. I'm now 16.

Like to start of by thanking all my friends for the cake and presents and acknowledgement and etc. etc.

So one year one.. great. haha
Not gonna be depresssed on my birthday, but I always tend to reflect on my birthday. The past year of my life has definitely been a crazy one at that. Being home to the highest and lowest points of my life so far.

And then I look forward, exams.. year 12.. uni. A long way off but very daunting.

I wish I could just freeze frame this day you know, all the friends I have, that momentary happiness before the circle of life continues the next day.

Although I really did enjoy today. One of the better days of this year so far, might've seen a lil down today as I usually do. But really did enjoy the day.

Thanks again to all my friends!! Will make it up to you all when your bdays come around.

¶ 1:58 AM

Saturday, October 16, 2010, 10:01 PM | back to the top.

" If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be. "

¶ 10:01 PM

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

, 8:47 PM | back to the top.

You know no matter how many times I listen to this song I feel amazed and relaxed. I don't know why, it's just one of those songs that never get old. If your wondering what it is refer to title. This is quite possibly my favourite Red Hot Chili Pepper's song. If not the one I will never grow tired of.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses the windy
Well, I never worry, now that is a lie

I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
But take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
But take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah

It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
Atleast I have her love, the city, she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
But take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
But take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah yeah yeah

Oh, no, no, no, yeah yeah
Love me, I say, yeah yeah

One time

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough

Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

Yeah yeah yeah
Oh, no, no, no, yeah yeah
[Incomprehensible]

Where I stay

¶ 8:47 PM

, 6:32 PM | back to the top.

P.S. dates on this blog for the posts are wrong. Can't figure out how to fix them.
Also sorry for random cbox spam. I'll get around to deleting it.

¶ 6:32 PM

A, B or C?

, 6:30 PM | back to the top.

A. realism - the attribute of accepting the facts of life and favouring practicality and literal truth

B. optimism - a tendency to expect the best, or at least, a favourable outcome; the doctrine that this world is the best of all possible worlds; the belief that good will eventually triumph over evil

C. pessimism - A general belief that bad things will happen; The doctrine that this world is the worst of all possible worlds

¶ 6:30 PM

Friday, October 15, 2010, 4:37 AM | back to the top.

Check out tumblr http://damothebassist.tumblr.com/

¶ 4:37 AM

, 4:35 AM | back to the top.

¶ 4:35 AM

, 2:35 AM | back to the top.

AHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ........

AND SO THE FUCKING CYCLE CONTINUES, OH YAY! ANOTHER DOWNFALL, I SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING. FUCKKKKKKKKKK.

¶ 2:35 AM

Thursday, October 14, 2010, 2:56 AM | back to the top.

If love is shelter, I'm going to walk in the rain.

¶ 2:56 AM

, 2:52 AM | back to the top.

If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.

¶ 2:52 AM

, 2:50 AM | back to the top.

No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have a hundred reasons to leave you, I'll look for that one reason to fight for you.

¶ 2:50 AM

Wednesday, October 13, 2010, 11:57 PM | back to the top.

Hmmm. So today someone said something that got me thinking. Maybe your just another one of those people that just take and don't give. I see it all the time now that i think of it. Maybe it's just all an act? Maybe I'm just over thinking this. Maybe what i feel is real. Maybe it's not. Maybe you actually like me. Maybe your just being nice. Maybee.. just a lot of maybes...

¶ 11:57 PM

Tuesday, October 12, 2010, 5:05 PM | back to the top.

"Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it"

¶ 5:05 PM

Appearances..

Saturday, October 9, 2010, 4:37 AM | back to the top.

Most of you already know about my pessimistic view on society. I tend to see the negative in most things, I can’t help it it’s just how things function in my brain. But today something snapped. Something picked up my already negative views and tore it up, then stitched it back together just to demean what is left.

I mean what pure evil is in this world. Humans no matter how “good” we are supposed to be will always have this inner evil. A single person has the capability to destroy many lives at any moment. I mean essentially anyone these days could strap themselves with explosives, or just get a gun, and walk into a busy city square and kill many people. I mean yeah this scenario is a bit drastic and all, but you get my meaning. We all deep inside of us have the capability to cause much pain to people.

Now I’ll try to relate what I’ve said back to what message I was trying to. Well today I sort of realised that the image of the world and society I had in my head to date was all wrong. I mean that’s quite a significant thing to realise in one day.
My whole conception of life essentially was all wrong.

The truth is that things are a million times worse. In fact the world and society is so screwed up you can’t even start to comprehend it. All the evil, the pain, and sins we bring upon ourselves and others has reached a point now where it has become the norm.

This has led me to the conclusion that there is no hope for saving this planet and its inhabitants. We all try to strive to help those who need it, in a bid to counteract the evil we ourselves are causing them and others.

But now for some reason things have just become completely clear to me now. I can see the true nature of people, I mean I think of those closest to me, and now I realise things about their nature and how they act I would never of seen before.

Especially about a certain person. Someone who to be honest has occupied the large part of my mind in the past few weeks. Someone who I’ve thought I’d known. Someone who I was sure of my feelings for. But I know now, it was all fake. There was nothing really there like that, I just tried to fill a void. And I now see that you weren’t who I thought you were. You were just someone hidden behind a mask. Someone pretending to be someone else. Technically the you I knew before doesn’t exist. I guess I’ll still go along being friends with you, I mean you are a great person, the real you I mean. But something in the back of my mind will always tell me to be wary in the future. People aren’t who they appear. The world isn’t what it appears...

¶ 4:37 AM

Friday, October 8, 2010, 1:27 AM | back to the top.

Okay yer screw it.
Not gonna bother with it.

It's not real anyway, is it?
Maybe I'm just trying to fill some hole, some emptiness,
trying to find any excuse to keep the facade going.
I mean I tend to do that, I find some excuse to make things look up.
False hope, but of course like I said in the last post, it just fuels the cycle.
So I wont bother,

Casing false leads, or leads that don't even exist tends to be something I do quite a lot of. I guess we all do, we all try to find something as an excuse, or a way to fill some holes within ourselves.

So I'll finally stop kidding myself. Because I think I've finally realised, that shit comes around. And the cruel hard truth is. That life doesn't work out how you want it.
And for guys like me (some guys will get this) it definitely never works out how you want it. Whether it regards school, social lives, girls, family.. etc It just doesn't.
So I'll just stop kidding myself now. For how long this lasts is a whole 'nother thing.

¶ 1:27 AM

Thursday, October 7, 2010, 4:22 AM | back to the top.

Assumptions are strong things. Never go jumping to conclusions when you never know all the facts.
I've learnt that the hard way.

¶ 4:22 AM

To bother or not to bother

, 1:09 AM | back to the top.

First proper blog for a while. Don't really know what to write about, just had some time on my hands so I thought why not.

Oh and I'm stopping that 30 day letter challenge, because I just can't be fucked going back and figuring out what day I'm on.

--------------------------------------------------

So I keep asking myself, why can't I just push out all the crap accumulating in my brain. All the negative thoughts, the feelings, the shit others have given you. I don't want all this shit stuck in here, so please piss off.

But I guess I can't help it, things are just how they are. So I'll still follow the pathetic path I'm on at the moment till the end. A continuous cycle. I mean it's always the same for me.

Something good happens,
I'm expectant of good things to come,
Things look down because of something,
Nothing really changes from this point,
Then some thing really shit happens, and it ruins me, I go through a really shit house stage, but find some reason for why things could look up,
I get over it momentarily, but that one hope for things looking up turns sour,
and once again I'm at the really shit low stage.

Then the cycle repeats, over and over.

What I can't understand is why I still bother with it all. School, homework, family, friends, girls..
I think inside me I've already started not caring, I mean yes I know people, I don't tend to bother with things anyway. But now I really do feel like nothing can make things worse than they already are. So I don't bother with trying.

But is this what I really should do? Maybe I should try, maybe I should bother.
But in the end the cycle just continues.

So here I am stuck with a little bit of a dilemma..

"To bother, or not to bother...." - Damien Kalakespeare
*person in background "SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ONE CARES.."*
(lame joke)

¶ 1:09 AM

blink 182 - adam's song

Saturday, October 2, 2010, 3:29 AM | back to the top.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

¶ 3:29 AM