THAT GUY

serised desolcsidnu - esum

Monday, November 29, 2010, 12:09 AM | back to the top.

So weird how the slightest actions by any one single person can make your day. Put you on cloud 9.
It doesn't even need to be anything significant. Even just a plain "hi" would do it.
It's just that sense that they've acknowledged your existence. That you are indeed a person that exists in their lives.
It's kinda sad that we do this, or maybe it's just me. I guess I just let people in too much. Too open I guess. But then again is bottling everything up and closing yourself from the world any better?

Then in a few seconds that same person who just made your day can fuck it up. Of course they don't realise that they just made your day/ fucked it up. But still, they do some minute action that somehow makes you feel shit. Like you don't exist to them, or maybe you aren't as significant to them as you thought. I'm just rambling on again for no reason.

I discovered the most fucked up thing recently though. I was youtube'n some Muse songs as I do (yes I know, like I don't listen to enough Muse already), and I discovered the song "undisclosed desires" backwards. Like the song being played in reverse. It is definitely THE MOST FUCKED UP THING EVER. It's scary because it actually sounds like a proper song but in a different language.

MUSE - UNDISCLOSED DESIRES (NORMAL VERSION)

MUSE - UNDISCLOSED DESIRES (BACKWARDS)

¶ 12:09 AM

Thursday, November 25, 2010, 12:18 AM | back to the top.

"I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great. I could deal with school, I could deal with home. And now nothing is under control."

"It never is, we just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function"

"Who came up with that stupid arrangement"

"It's called life."

Quote from Daria.

¶ 12:18 AM

replaced

Tuesday, November 23, 2010, 2:55 AM | back to the top.

Don't you hate it when you get replaced. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about here.
Like you get pushed out. Thrown out some window somehow. Then someone just waltzes in takes over. Much like an endurance motor sport (lame guy thing I know).

Drivers drive the car, for laps on end. Eventually though, as soon as you get in the rhythm and start feeling in control. The team manager radios in and sez, "nah sorry mate, come in to the pits, we are gonna change driver". So you drive in thinking, "I did my best", "yeah that's cool I can share the car around", "let him take over for a while I was getting tired anyway".
So you get out and the driver change occurs. Being in a race it has to happen quickly. You jump out and he jumps in, with assistance of course. It's all over within a few seconds.

You go rest while the other guy takes the car around. Then all of a sudden he starts driving really well, moving up the order until eventually he is leading the race. He's driving the car really well, better than you were. At this point you feel a little disappointed, like, "Oh well I tried".
Except this new driver had only just joined on to the race team. You were the head guy for so long, you drove the car all this way. Now some new guy comes along and drives amazingly.

The team manager then decides to let the new guy keep driving and he wins the race. You get annoyed and get angry. You can't blame anyone really but yourself. End of the day he was the better driver. Soon you become old news and the team sacks you. You retire and no one realises. The new guy is now the star driver. Before you know it you've been replaced.

You can't do anything about it. But you were the one who brought the race team up, you were the one who drove the car and made a name for yourself. Then somehow, you just get pushed away, thrown out like an old newspaper. You're old news. You got sacked.

Now try to relate this to life and see if you understand.

¶ 2:55 AM

, 2:29 AM | back to the top.

lol ffs we all know you two like each other. just go fucking have a root already and piss off.

¶ 2:29 AM

Monday, November 22, 2010, 3:09 AM | back to the top.

Wow you know it's really sad to see perfectly intelligent girls, who are actually smart and decent act all dumb for people. To make themselves look "cute" and "funny".

¶ 3:09 AM

, 2:31 AM | back to the top.

Ever come to a point where you feel like the whole world around you is so artificial. Is what we see around ourselves ever what the true nature of these things are. I mean how everyone acts, how society runs itself. Everything around us these days is corrupted and fake to a certain degree. Governments, media, it's a dog eat dog world.

Think about how the world is run these days. There is one major driving force in society that has the capability to essentially make or break a man. What is that one thing?

Money.

Banks and large companies all around the world use their power and influence to change the order of things, just so they can make more money. It's a fact that corruption exists in today's political system. It's a way of life that we'll all be influenced through the media to buy some sort of popular culture inducing consumer product.

And then there are people. How artificial some people can be sometimes. How people put some sort of mask on always to try to hide who they really are. They put masks on their faces just for other people. You rarely ever see the true nature of any one individual. You catch glimpses but I don't think people can never truly understand anyone else but themselves. Because as much as you think you've got someone figured out, any one single action taken by them can completely contradict this. So it's a guessing game essentially.

You can't ever take any one thing as being 100% what is looks out to be. There is always some artificial in there trying to mask over something.

..
Yes another random post.

¶ 2:31 AM

take it all away - cake

, 1:50 AM | back to the top.

You keep pushing me away
In spite of what you say
I found out yesterday
That I've been wasting all my time
Trying to make you smile
Trying to make this seem worth...
While you've been pushing me around
In spite of what I do
Trying to make things good for...
You take your economy car and your suitcase
Take your psycho little dogs
Take it all away
You've been racing through my mind
You're picking up in speed
You're driving recklessly
It's like a car crash happening on my street
Broken bodies at my feet
And sirens on the way
They're too late
'Cause nobody's going to save us
We're a rubbernecker's dream
We're burning gasoline
Go take your economy car and your suitcase
Take your psycho little dogs
Take it all away
And go
Go ahead and destroy this
Better come with an army
Are you feeling feeling okay baby?
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Take your economy car and your suitcase
Take your psycho little dogs
Take it all away

¶ 1:50 AM

Friday, November 19, 2010, 4:09 PM | back to the top.

So I was on the bus today to Frankston from Dandenong (yes I know frankston…==”). Anyways I was at the back of the bus putting up with all the bogans talking about getting wasted tonight and how some guy got with some girl. Then they see someone they know at the next stop and scream at the top of their lungs “JOHNO!” (his name was john. how typical).
I was so tempted to scream out, “SHUT THE FUCK UP HIS LIKE NOT EVEN IN THE BUS AND WHOLE 100m AWAY FFS!”
So the bus slows down and he gets in and walks towards the back of the bus.
Bogan A, “Johno man how are ya?”
Johno, “Haha I got fired.”
Bogan B, “HAHA FUCKING AGAIN?”
LOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL
I seriously had to stop myself laughing. How typical. The trady bogan dude got fired.
Seriously taught me a lesson there why you shouldn’t leave school kids!

SIDE NOTE EXAMS ARE FUCKING OVER!!

¶ 4:09 PM

Saturday, November 13, 2010, 11:55 PM | back to the top.

So like I've thought it through. Like properly.
I've considered every ones suggestions.
I think I know what I'm going to do.
It's probably not the wisest decision.
But I think it'll work.
You're too close of a friend to permanently let go.
So yes, we'll see what happens.
Hopefully shit doesn't fall apart.
Either way you can have him.
I'm done.

¶ 11:55 PM

Friday, November 12, 2010, 1:01 AM | back to the top.

Yes I know, another pointless post. But I need to get this out. Coz I just don’t know anymore.
Key words there being “don’t know”.
I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!
Just a warning this post really isn’t that good.

See right now I feel a mix of rage and love. Okay I know what you’re all thinking. Coz I’m thinking it too.

FFS Damien you don’t have a fucking chance. Get the fuck over it.
Well here is a letter to “her”

Dear un-named,

Look I just don’t know what you’re doing to me anymore. You are fucking with my head. But I don’t think you realise what you’re doing. You’ve led me on. That’s right you’ve led me on.

I talked to a close friend about the situation and his right. You are slutty fucking whore. You play with guy’s heart. You may find it hard to realise but guys do have hearts. We feel pain.
However at the same time I completely disagree with him. Because of the feelings I have for you. SO WTF DO I DO.

I’ve given you my heart. Because I was led to believe you would want it. I ripped it out of my chest and handed it to you. What did you do? You played with it. You took it and kept it, just to use to your own will, whenever you see fit. Seems like whatever friendship we have revolves around me being used in some way, whether it just is school work, or when you have no one else to talk to.

BUT YOU’RE LEADING ME ON!!!!!!

You have my heart, I hope you understand it. You tricked me into giving it to you. As you have to other guys. I know how much you do it. I thought from how you’ve treated me that we were more than just friends. You’ve pretty much torn your chest open and said,
“HERE IS MY FUCKING HEART, YOU WANT IT? WELL TOO BAD YOU AINT GETTING IT. ILL JUST SHOW YOU IT ANYWAY”

But fine, I see how it is now. Obviously you just felt like you wanted to play me, just wanted to lead me on until I just lost my heart. And now I won’t get it back from you, not anytime soon.

I built this house
With my own hands
And she just came
And burnt the plans.
She found the safe
And cracked the code
She grabbed the goods
And hit the road
And I'm Feeling dumb
Oh, oh, girl You're the one

You have to understand though. Whilst I feel this distaste at what you’ve done to me, I still like you. More than just that. You’ll be the main thing that occupies my mind. But now I realise I think it’s better if I go. If I just leave. You don’t want me, I know that. I’ll just let someone else step in and take you. Just don’t lose my heart understand. Because I want it back.

So yes I don’t think I can continue this friendship, without you fucking up my life for good. So here is the deal. If you truly are the close friend I hope you are, you’ll be the one who keeps this friendship going. If you aren’t and what everyone says is true, that you’re a slut who just plays with guy’s hearts. Then you’ll just let me slip away.

One of these days I’ll get my heart back. Until then it is yours. The power is completely with you. Please do disprove what they all say, and try to continue this friendship. Coz I don’t give a fuck about us being anything more. I know it won’t happen. You’ll probably just lead me on some more, but I don’t care.

I will dig a hole and label it love
And trick her to fall in from above
Strategically placed at the front door
I'll coax her to come back to get more

¶ 1:01 AM

Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 1:26 AM | back to the top.

Why is it that you are the prominent thing on my mind always. On top of all the other shit I have going on. This isn’t just an infatuation anymore.
Sad thing is I know I have no chance. I tell myself this all the time. I know you like other guy(s). I know it won’t happen. Hell I don’t want it to happen. But I still continue this charade of pretending I’m cool and done with you.
But I guess what I’m most pissed off at atm. Is how this idea of “love”. Falling in love, and happy endings. Love song after love song comes through my headphones. I’ve come to the realisation, that these “happy endings” only happen to a specific type of people. Now I won’t lay back in what I say here. Coz you all know it’s true. It only happens to those “beautiful people” on this planet. I’m most definitely being way to general but you get what I’m saying yes? Guy A is just an average dude, no crazy hot dude that all the girls like (let this guy be Guy B). So there is Girl A who is Guy A’s crush. Girl A has this thing for Guy B, while Guy A just sits there having no chance at all. Guy A witnesses the rise and fall of Girl A because of Guy B. Guy A feels like shit, coz he knows if he had a chance with Girl A he would treat her like an angel. But he doesn’t so he just sits there giving up on the world. Most likely Girl A just continues and makes mistake after mistake over and over again.
But yes it’s that whole concept of happy endings. They don’t exist. I am living proof of that.
So yes I’ll keep being an idiot and thinking about you. All the while knowing I don’t have a choice. Maybe I’ll get over you. I’ll have to anyway. Other people have much better chance anyway.

I know you’ve probably all heard what I’ve said above already anyway. I don’t even know why I bother blogging this. Not like many people read this anyway. Well I guess it’s a way I can reflect.
IUNNO.

P.S. some ppl need to get the fact through their heads I’m not going to change just because you don’t like a particular aspect about me. Fact is I am who I am. Get the fuck over it. If you can’t, piss off.

¶ 1:26 AM

Monday, November 8, 2010, 10:40 PM | back to the top.

Too good to be true.
Too good for me.

¶ 10:40 PM

Sunday, November 7, 2010, 1:22 AM | back to the top.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

YOUR FUCKING PISSING ME OFF SO MUCH!! Okay I try to put up with all the shit you give me. But this is too fucking far. Taking away my music is just the last straw. Music is the only thing that makes sense to me. And you are taking that away. I've reached my limit. You threatened that if I don't like it just leave this house. You know what. I might just fucking do that. If I were you I'd pay special attention about what you do in the near future. Coz you might just regret it.
Is nothing I do good enough for you? Coz apparently it isn't. I fucking hate you. Understand. I HATE YOU.

¶ 1:22 AM

Saturday, November 6, 2010, 5:08 AM | back to the top.

Things just get ever more intriguing doesn't it. The path of self discovery runs across that of the path of your life. I think you never truly understand yourself until the day of your death. Life is simply a journey of understanding.

¶ 5:08 AM

, 3:44 AM | back to the top.

Interesting.

¶ 3:44 AM

best of me - sum 41

, 2:55 AM | back to the top.

It's so hard to say that I'm sorry
I'll make everything alright
All these things that I've done
Now what have I become and where'd I go wrong?

I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first
I won't tell you lies
(I'm sorry)
I will stand accused with my hand on my heart
I'm just trying to say

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much
And I'd fix all that I've done if I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

I know that I can't take
Back all of the mistakes but I will try
Although its not easy
I know you believe me 'cause I would not lie

Don't believe their lies told from jealous eyes
They don't understand
(I'm sorry)
I will break your heart, I will bring you down
But I will have to say

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much
And I'd fix all that I've done if I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much
And I'd fix all that I've done if I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

¶ 2:55 AM

, 1:38 AM | back to the top.

So I got linked to a depression test today.

Apparently I have severe depression. Can't say I didn't see that one coming.

¶ 1:38 AM

The Obvious Design Fallacy

Friday, November 5, 2010, 12:27 AM | back to the top.

Was reading through one if my fav blogs. The blogger is an Undergrad Physics student in the USA.
I came upon an older post I have read which I believe is very relevant to recent questions I have been asking myself in relation to existence and religion. Coz you know I'm cool like that.

Anyways please do take time to read this.

¶ 12:27 AM

crash and burn

Tuesday, November 2, 2010, 11:57 PM | back to the top.

Life atm... = crash and burn.

First off, lost my sport uniform, just great ain't it? Just can't wait till I finally get the balls to tell my parents. Cue biggest fucking lecture ever. Throw in a grounding, and the biggest rage fit by parents. I can't wait.. =="
I mean I guess it's my fault. But they don't HAVE TO FUCKING SPAZ. FML.!
I'm not looking forward to this. Not one bit.

Now to what I really wanted to touch on in this post. How awesome Sri Lanka is in cricket atm!! nahh fuck that. Couldn't care less about cricket atm.

But today I had a discussion with two people about religion. A sensitive topic I know, something I don't like dwelling into too much. But I feel like this deserved a post.
For those who don't know my background with religion is mixed. My mother is a Christian and my father is a Buddhist. Growing up I've gone to both church and temple. So I can't really say I'm one thing or another. One thing I definitely ain't is both.
One of the people I talked with is a practising Christian, although have found doubt in their faith. Which is a fair enough point. With religion there is always doubt. What can you really believe you know. Now I won't bother going into analysing Christianity because I myself have essentially no knowledge on it.
But this is just something I want to get people thinking about. Can you truly consume yourself in religion. I mean no one can say there is a God, or there isn't a God. But how do people jump into faith so easily. I guess when your grown up around a particular religion and you are exposed to it you are just that much more likely to follow the same faith. Maybe it's just something I myself can't understand. I mean I can't choose between two religions. I don't think anyone can just do that.

Then something at lunch just triggered something in me. If anything a sense of fear. Lunch times there is a Christian group run for the Christian students. I went along with a friend for the sake of it. Couldn't hurt.
We started off by talking about our backgrounds in God and various other things. The session itself went pretty well but I had a really uneasy feeling in me. What that is I don't know exactly. Try to understand what I'm saying, I sort of don't know how to describe what I felt.
What it was a mix of fear/anger and bewilderment. I felt pretty excluded from the group as they talked about discovering God and their relationship with God etc. I just sat there listening. But I think I realised why I felt so weird during the session and afterwards. I felt like I was being converted. Now let me say this. They in no way were converting me screaming out "BECOME A CHRISTIAN DAMIEN!!" or any shit like that. But how they discussed their relationship with God and talked about religion and faith, made me feel uneasy. I guess I'll never truly understand why. But I felt like for the first time, my own beliefs on religion were being attacked. As if what I believed was wrong. (Once again I point out they didn't literally attack me or anything, I was just sitting their listening in). I felt like something had impacted on me, just from that one session. Like some process of thought of pushed inside me. It was extremely discomforting. I was being pushed into thinking subconsciously about God and faith, but almost being forced to accept its ideology.
But yes, I don't quite know what it was. Something deeply effected me. It's weird because I've been to church plenty of time and went to a Catholic school. And never before had something make me feel so uneasy like I just did. Now the decision I face is to go back to Christian group and face the uneasiness and possibly be slowly converted subconsciously. Or just not go and always wonder what it was that effected me.

But I'd like to end on one note. My person beliefs in a small passage:

I believe that humans should just leave certain things alone. We look to religion in search of answers. In search of guidance. And I do envy those who are faithful to religion. I really do. To have such faith in something is a gift I am yet to receive. But I think that the answers to these big questions, like how did the universe begin? (this in itself could be it's own post), or why are we here; should just be left alone. It is human nature to look for these answers. But I personally don't want to concern myself with it too much, and concern myself with religious beliefs. I'm sure just like everyone else one day I will turn to religion for answers. But right now I'm leaving the whole matter of religion alone. No I'm not an atheist. I am one who believes what I wish to believe, and this set of beliefs will always change and evolve with time and experiences.

“If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.”

¶ 11:57 PM

, 3:27 AM | back to the top.

Long Weekend = Fail

4 Days of supposed homework.
Total time done on hw - 2 hours.

Such a fail. But you know what? I do not give a flying fuck about homework. This year has been so shit. I'm just gonna try to end this year of an enjoyable as possible, before the start of VCE. Those three letters drive fear and pain into all of us I'm assuming right about now. But we all have to face it now. Time to pick up our game. Or for some to actually start trying :/

But yes this weekend has been a total fail. *head desk*
I wish the school would stop giving so much hw and totally destroying our lives.. :/
AND FAR OUT! A CERTAIN TEACHER WHO DECIDES TO MAKE ASSIGNMENTS EXTREMELY HARD! I'm sure you all know who I'm referring to when i say that. I sweear to god I'll kill him.

BUT ANYWAY MOVING ON. sorta got sidetracked on what I was going to actually say. This weekend has been so crap (N). and well yer that was it.

Pretty fail post hah?

side note: I watched the muse concert live at Wembley, and right now I'M SO FUCKING PUMPED FOR THE MUSE CONCERT AT ROD LAVA IN DECEMBER. GONNA MAKE MY YEAR! OMFG OMFG MUSE~! FUCKING LIVE!! FUCKING AWESOME!!

¶ 3:27 AM