Okay I admit it. I did something stupid. In the last 48 hours I have smashed my head against the wall so many times I have lost count. The worse feeling is that I can't change anything. This is the point where I wish I could rewind EVERYTHING and change it all. I've been such an idiot. But what has happened has happened. I just have to accept that. I can't change people, let alone myself. So I just have to accept it. Move on, and try to get along with my life. Hurt too many people, done too much wrong. Emotions are something I will never understand, and will grasp the full capability of.
I am sorry to all effected. Never wanted it to end like this. But now it has.

One thing I want to say though. THank you to my friends. My true close friends, you know who you are. I don't want to even think about where I would be if it wasn't for you. YOu guys have saved my life on more than one occasion. And I thank you, for being able to putting up with my shit and helping me through.

I guess the next week is going to be the hardest. Excepting the fact of what cannot happen, of what will never be. and of all the fuking shit I have done to people.

So sorry..

shall delete all my posts on this blog in due time. will be keeping my blog. i just cant keep all those old memories though.
¶ 6:54 PM

, 2:47 AM | back to the top.

hav decided to delete my blog. cyaz all. shall delete in due time

¶ 2:47 AM

regrets

, 2:11 AM | back to the top.

The biggest feeling of regret is that you get when you know you deserve it. Words can never explain what you want to say. What you want to happen. I guess there is nothing to do now. No turning back, no second options..
Oh well...you learn from your mistakes..i hope

¶ 2:11 AM

greed

Wednesday, July 28, 2010, 3:35 AM | back to the top.

GREED..

The one thing that in my opinion is quite possibly the worse evil in the world.
It's what drives countries to war
People to murder, rape, assault
To lust, love and want
To do what ever it takes to get what they want. What they desire.
It is this one thing that will lead to our own demise and destruction eventually.


said by Serj Tankian.

¶ 3:35 AM

proto-beings

Saturday, July 24, 2010, 10:40 PM | back to the top.

I was reading through some gaming forums and came to a Assassin's Creed forum. Those who know the plot to the AC series would get this. If you don't still read through this. It lets your mind wonder on the possibilities.

Just a warning to those who are religious. This contains some conflicting ideas which you could find disturbing. Note though I didn't write this. I just found this in a forum. This is no way reflects my ideology.

QUOTE from http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5251069024/m/7681059997/p/5

Right, i'll try and explain the whole thing the way i see it as best i can.

Its a well established Chinese theory that there was once an ancient civilization, highly technologically advanced and more evolved than the present day humans, living a LONG LONG LONG LONG time ago, pre-dating like pre pre pre pre history... you get the picture...

It appears Assassins creed has taken on this theory as its central plot line. Here are my thoughts:

Long before our current state of being there was a time when another race flourished on the earth. This race was highly evolved in comparison to us. you could even say the course of their evolution was more 'complete' than us, in so much as they simply were able to become 'better' than we will ever be able to. Due, in part to the fact we as a species were made by them, so the state of humanity is a distorted imitation of beings we were designed on, It makes allot of sense in respect to our fractured, far from perfect nature as a species.

I think this race (i shall refer to as the 'proto-beings') had a pretty similar course of history to us in many respects, they evolved, through a long time to a point of supreme technological advancement and mental/physical development. Time is relative, advancement as a species is also relative, to us they were highly evolved, purely because we aren't as 'far along' as they got. or possibly because our perception of them is always going to be inferior as we are, by nature, inferior to them.

Eventually they got to a point of technology they could create life, engineer genetics and whatnot, and thus they created a society of beings to do the work they had been doing themselves for so long, (i think humans would do very much the same if we had the opportunity... a practical solution to allot of lifes needs, a synthetically created slave race with a system of mental control as an integral part of the initial design) They designed us very like them as they saw themselves as the most fitting framework to build beings over that could accomplish daily tasks and build and serve e.t.c. (try getting a donkey to build a house...)

Part of the design of this slave race was a system of control, because they understood that any living thing would not like to be a slave, so to solve this (and possibly a moral choice on part of them) they created a system of mental control as part of the design when 'drafting' how to make the slave race, to simply blind their creation (us) from the truth, keeping us in a state of mental illusion. (We can only imagine how far reaching and complete the effects of a willful manipulation of perception of reality will be like to experience)

When designing the race on themselves, it appears they very well may have inadvertantly also distilled in the slave race their (the proto-beings) need from freedom of individuality of choice e.t.c, possibly this is just a natural aspect of sentience they forsaw as an issue in their creation when in the context of them creating a slave race. The natural desire for freedom, anyway.

Part of the design was a system of control, so the Pieces of eden were made along with the slave race, a sembyosis. We as the slave race have in us as part of our very design neuro-transmiters created specifically to be manipulated by the force emited by the pieces of eden (as hinted on in one of the files unlocked in one of the puzzle glyphs), and consequently, the pieces of eden were designed and built specifically to effect that neurotransmitter in us, inorder to control us. As i said, a sembyosis.

This is why the pieces of eden have such an effect over us, it is a specific deliberate relationship between us (humans, the slave race) and the pieces of eden, alone.
The pieces of Eden are advanced 'tools' of technology designed specifically to effect (arguably) every aspect of our being, physically and mentally, en-mass and individually, as we are both (us and the PoEs) two mutual ends of a synthetic creation designed for a specific purpose.

Time went on in this ancient Civilization and for a time everything was ok, we as the slave race worked away blissfully unaware of the truth of our reality, kept indefinately inside a mental prison kept in place by the pieces of eden...

for this was our purpose, the very reason of our creation.

yet the proto-beings made us to much like them and for some reason something changed, unhappiness in us began.
Wether it was cross breeding between the proto beings and humans, or basic evolution.. who knows. What IS known, it seems, as at some point the effect of the pieces of eden seemed to weaken. Now the 'ins and outs' of why where and how and how widespread in regards to this point is easily a long discussion of its own so i will stick to what is known.

a man and a woman of the slave race named Adam and Eve, for whatever reason, knew to some degree that they and their race were being controlled by these pieces of eden, they found themselves, for an amount of time, outside of this mental control.

So they took it upon themselves to revolt against their masters and succeeded in stealing a piece of eden. Now if we are going on established religion as an acurate metaphor, Eve stole the apple from the tree of knowledge (think about the relative metophorical connotations of this statement in relation to the current subject). This caused our entire race to fall from this state of ignorant bliss, to wake up from the mind prison. (to fall from grace)

This created a war, as mentioned by minerva in the end scene. the slave race rose up against the proto-beings after having awakened to the truth of their situation. The slave race either left, or were banished from Eden, the civilized area the proto-beings lived. (man was banished from the gardens of eden).

The war raged, and both the proto-beings and mankind were so busy on eachother a solar flare was not noticed and it hit the earth burning everything to a crisp. very very few survived.

Now it is possible that Adam and eve having the piece of eden heavily influenced the fact they survived the catastrophy, that is protected them somehow, and thus began a new tree of evolution that leads to the present day mankind. (hence the legend of Adam and Eve in established belief)

Ovre time history turned into legend turned into myth and eventually became all but forgotten, twisted and distorted through various political means and the artefacts' (which survived the catastrophy) true purpose was lost. And because we are a species intimately linked with being controlled and manipulated, it grew naturally from us as time went by, and a branch of us became the templars, hell bent on finding these pieces of eden to control and gain power over us all.

It is also possible that a chain of events took place, a long standing prophesy right from the beginning. If you choose to believe that Adam and eve are half human half proto-being (supporting the fact they seem to be imune form the effects of the pieces of eden), and take into account that Subject 16 is a direct descendent of Adam or Eve, and an assassins (this would explain why the assassins have increased agility and certain powers like eagle vision). It is possible that the cross breeding 'had' to have happened, the uprising 'had' to have happened as Eve and Adam HAD to get the apple to survive inorder to be the begining of a line of assassins that reaches up to the present day, through Altair to leave codexes for Ezio for Desmond to experience through him while hooked into the Animus, for Minerva to speak to Desmond through Ezio. Time is relative. Its a chain of events, everything having to be in its place... like a tapestry across time.

Inorder for Minerva to get the message to Desmond that a new catastrophy is coming (solar flare) and this chain of events has put Desmond exactly where he needs to be with the abilities he needs, due to his lineage, inorder to accomplish his task, to find all the pieces of eden and use them to protect the planet from the coming solar flare.

ok... i'm done.

¶ 10:40 PM

Okay I admit it. I did something stupid. In the last 48 hours I have smashed my head against the wall so many times I have lost count. The worse feeling is that I can't change anything. This is the point where I wish I could rewind EVERYTHING and change it all. I've been such an idiot. But what has happened has happened. I just have to accept that. I can't change people, let alone myself. So I just have to accept it. Move on, and try to get along with my life. Hurt too many people, done too much wrong. Emotions are something I will never understand, and will grasp the full capability of.
I am sorry to all effected. Never wanted it to end like this. But now it has.

One thing I want to say though. THank you to my friends. My true close friends, you know who you are. I don't want to even think about where I would be if it wasn't for you. YOu guys have saved my life on more than one occasion. And I thank you, for being able to putting up with my shit and helping me through.

I guess the next week is going to be the hardest. Excepting the fact of what cannot happen, of what will never be. and of all the fuking shit I have done to people.

So sorry..

shall delete all my posts on this blog in due time. will be keeping my blog. i just cant keep all those old memories though.
<< Home hav decided to delete my blog. cyaz all. shall delete in due time
<< Home The biggest feeling of regret is that you get when you know you deserve it. Words can never explain what you want to say. What you want to happen. I guess there is nothing to do now. No turning back, no second options..
Oh well...you learn from your mistakes..i hope
<< Home GREED..

The one thing that in my opinion is quite possibly the worse evil in the world.
It's what drives countries to war
People to murder, rape, assault
To lust, love and want
To do what ever it takes to get what they want. What they desire.
It is this one thing that will lead to our own demise and destruction eventually.


said by Serj Tankian.
<< Home I was reading through some gaming forums and came to a Assassin's Creed forum. Those who know the plot to the AC series would get this. If you don't still read through this. It lets your mind wonder on the possibilities.

Just a warning to those who are religious. This contains some conflicting ideas which you could find disturbing. Note though I didn't write this. I just found this in a forum. This is no way reflects my ideology.

QUOTE from http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5251069024/m/7681059997/p/5

Right, i'll try and explain the whole thing the way i see it as best i can.

Its a well established Chinese theory that there was once an ancient civilization, highly technologically advanced and more evolved than the present day humans, living a LONG LONG LONG LONG time ago, pre-dating like pre pre pre pre history... you get the picture...

It appears Assassins creed has taken on this theory as its central plot line. Here are my thoughts:

Long before our current state of being there was a time when another race flourished on the earth. This race was highly evolved in comparison to us. you could even say the course of their evolution was more 'complete' than us, in so much as they simply were able to become 'better' than we will ever be able to. Due, in part to the fact we as a species were made by them, so the state of humanity is a distorted imitation of beings we were designed on, It makes allot of sense in respect to our fractured, far from perfect nature as a species.

I think this race (i shall refer to as the 'proto-beings') had a pretty similar course of history to us in many respects, they evolved, through a long time to a point of supreme technological advancement and mental/physical development. Time is relative, advancement as a species is also relative, to us they were highly evolved, purely because we aren't as 'far along' as they got. or possibly because our perception of them is always going to be inferior as we are, by nature, inferior to them.

Eventually they got to a point of technology they could create life, engineer genetics and whatnot, and thus they created a society of beings to do the work they had been doing themselves for so long, (i think humans would do very much the same if we had the opportunity... a practical solution to allot of lifes needs, a synthetically created slave race with a system of mental control as an integral part of the initial design) They designed us very like them as they saw themselves as the most fitting framework to build beings over that could accomplish daily tasks and build and serve e.t.c. (try getting a donkey to build a house...)

Part of the design of this slave race was a system of control, because they understood that any living thing would not like to be a slave, so to solve this (and possibly a moral choice on part of them) they created a system of mental control as part of the design when 'drafting' how to make the slave race, to simply blind their creation (us) from the truth, keeping us in a state of mental illusion. (We can only imagine how far reaching and complete the effects of a willful manipulation of perception of reality will be like to experience)

When designing the race on themselves, it appears they very well may have inadvertantly also distilled in the slave race their (the proto-beings) need from freedom of individuality of choice e.t.c, possibly this is just a natural aspect of sentience they forsaw as an issue in their creation when in the context of them creating a slave race. The natural desire for freedom, anyway.

Part of the design was a system of control, so the Pieces of eden were made along with the slave race, a sembyosis. We as the slave race have in us as part of our very design neuro-transmiters created specifically to be manipulated by the force emited by the pieces of eden (as hinted on in one of the files unlocked in one of the puzzle glyphs), and consequently, the pieces of eden were designed and built specifically to effect that neurotransmitter in us, inorder to control us. As i said, a sembyosis.

This is why the pieces of eden have such an effect over us, it is a specific deliberate relationship between us (humans, the slave race) and the pieces of eden, alone.
The pieces of Eden are advanced 'tools' of technology designed specifically to effect (arguably) every aspect of our being, physically and mentally, en-mass and individually, as we are both (us and the PoEs) two mutual ends of a synthetic creation designed for a specific purpose.

Time went on in this ancient Civilization and for a time everything was ok, we as the slave race worked away blissfully unaware of the truth of our reality, kept indefinately inside a mental prison kept in place by the pieces of eden...

for this was our purpose, the very reason of our creation.

yet the proto-beings made us to much like them and for some reason something changed, unhappiness in us began.
Wether it was cross breeding between the proto beings and humans, or basic evolution.. who knows. What IS known, it seems, as at some point the effect of the pieces of eden seemed to weaken. Now the 'ins and outs' of why where and how and how widespread in regards to this point is easily a long discussion of its own so i will stick to what is known.

a man and a woman of the slave race named Adam and Eve, for whatever reason, knew to some degree that they and their race were being controlled by these pieces of eden, they found themselves, for an amount of time, outside of this mental control.

So they took it upon themselves to revolt against their masters and succeeded in stealing a piece of eden. Now if we are going on established religion as an acurate metaphor, Eve stole the apple from the tree of knowledge (think about the relative metophorical connotations of this statement in relation to the current subject). This caused our entire race to fall from this state of ignorant bliss, to wake up from the mind prison. (to fall from grace)

This created a war, as mentioned by minerva in the end scene. the slave race rose up against the proto-beings after having awakened to the truth of their situation. The slave race either left, or were banished from Eden, the civilized area the proto-beings lived. (man was banished from the gardens of eden).

The war raged, and both the proto-beings and mankind were so busy on eachother a solar flare was not noticed and it hit the earth burning everything to a crisp. very very few survived.

Now it is possible that Adam and eve having the piece of eden heavily influenced the fact they survived the catastrophy, that is protected them somehow, and thus began a new tree of evolution that leads to the present day mankind. (hence the legend of Adam and Eve in established belief)

Ovre time history turned into legend turned into myth and eventually became all but forgotten, twisted and distorted through various political means and the artefacts' (which survived the catastrophy) true purpose was lost. And because we are a species intimately linked with being controlled and manipulated, it grew naturally from us as time went by, and a branch of us became the templars, hell bent on finding these pieces of eden to control and gain power over us all.

It is also possible that a chain of events took place, a long standing prophesy right from the beginning. If you choose to believe that Adam and eve are half human half proto-being (supporting the fact they seem to be imune form the effects of the pieces of eden), and take into account that Subject 16 is a direct descendent of Adam or Eve, and an assassins (this would explain why the assassins have increased agility and certain powers like eagle vision). It is possible that the cross breeding 'had' to have happened, the uprising 'had' to have happened as Eve and Adam HAD to get the apple to survive inorder to be the begining of a line of assassins that reaches up to the present day, through Altair to leave codexes for Ezio for Desmond to experience through him while hooked into the Animus, for Minerva to speak to Desmond through Ezio. Time is relative. Its a chain of events, everything having to be in its place... like a tapestry across time.

Inorder for Minerva to get the message to Desmond that a new catastrophy is coming (solar flare) and this chain of events has put Desmond exactly where he needs to be with the abilities he needs, due to his lineage, inorder to accomplish his task, to find all the pieces of eden and use them to protect the planet from the coming solar flare.

ok... i'm done.
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