THAT GUY

Sunday, May 29, 2011, 4:35 AM | back to the top.

I'm starting to doubt some friends these days. Like do you really give a shit at all.

Found on tumblr for your thoughts.

Friday, May 27, 2011, 6:43 AM | back to the top.

WHAT THE FUCK. I don't understand why my parents find it hard to believe that I'm listening to music whilst reading stuff on the internet. HONESTLY WTF. They are like you can't do two things at once. You can't do homework and listen to music. You can't do the exam and listen to music. FOR FUCKS SAKES THEY AREN'T EVEN RELATED. I'M PRETTY SURE I HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO READ WHILST LISTENING TO MUSIC. I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT DEPTH OF MULTITASKING.

¶ 6:43 AM

, 5:17 AM | back to the top.

Although people have tried to convince me other wise. I think I'm going to stick with my plan of not bothering with girls anymore. Too much pain arises which I don't think I can deal with anymore. So why bother. Not until school is over.

¶ 5:17 AM

Wednesday, May 25, 2011, 7:11 AM | back to the top.

LOL Karma is a fucking bitch ain't it. Yet you still don't realize you did the exact same thing to me. How many guys are you trying to get atm honestly.

¶ 7:11 AM

, 1:27 AM | back to the top.

Fuck I was going so well on physics too. Now I feel cut.

¶ 1:27 AM

, 1:16 AM | back to the top.

Wow totally demotivated to do work now. Major middle finger to the world atm.

¶ 1:16 AM

Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 5:34 AM | back to the top.

Why am I such a depressed cunt lol.

¶ 5:34 AM

Monday, May 23, 2011, 6:15 AM | back to the top.

It's kinda weird how talking to someone who don't really talk to that much at all can be so insightful. I guess cause you don't know each other that closely, it's kinda less filtered and more raw in some respects I guess. But yeah makes you realise that even the people you don't consider close, and don't really talk to too much, can when given the chance be really surprisingly good people.

¶ 6:15 AM

Sunday, May 22, 2011, 6:03 AM | back to the top.

Interesting. I went on msn for 5 hours without starting a conversation with anyone. And no one started a conversation with me.

¶ 6:03 AM

, 4:42 AM | back to the top.

My social experiment atm is coming off very interesting. I'll give greater details later on tonight.

¶ 4:42 AM

Saturday, May 21, 2011, 7:22 PM | back to the top.

"I don't really think the pain is worth the reward anymore."

¶ 7:22 PM

, 4:52 AM | back to the top.

Why spend so much time on msn. Like you just sit there for hours with barely anyone to talk to. Yet you just sit there randomly checking who's only. Oh I might talk to this person.. nahh. Maybe this person... no. Maybe if I wait this person will talk to me.. It's an on going process which is so pointless.

Labels: letter to myself

¶ 4:52 AM

, 4:45 AM | back to the top.

New blog song finally. Try guess what it is a cover of.

¶ 4:45 AM

Friday, May 20, 2011, 5:32 PM | back to the top.

"I hope things get worse for you."

¶ 5:32 PM

, 1:40 AM | back to the top.

So like I came up with my own sorta 10 day challenge thing. Not really a challenge but for the next 10 days I'm going to post just a single sentence conveying my thoughts at the time. I don't really know how hard it will be, I guess a single sentence can convey a lot, but also can have a lot of restrictions when it comes to conveying meaning. So anyway I might as well start now.

"I think normality doesn't really exists anymore other than a concept."

¶ 1:40 AM

Thursday, May 19, 2011, 4:47 AM | back to the top.

NOT DOING JACK SHIT TONIGHT!

I went to an engineering lecture at Monash today. Was pretty good, learn't all I needed about courses and stuff now. So I guess Monash is now definitely an option if I get a high enough ATAR.. :/

Initially I was going to do another huge rant. But I really cannot be fucked anymore. I spend all this time killing myself over it all when you don't give a fuck. You continue to act innocent and nice to everyone, like you are the one that deserves people's attention and love. So fuck you then. I hope something immensely horrible happens to you :)

¶ 4:47 AM

Where is the love - Black Eyed Peas

Tuesday, May 17, 2011, 5:40 AM | back to the top.

This song randomly popped into my head just now.

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive til love is found
Now ask yourself

Where is the love
Where is the love
Where is the love

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love

Now sing with me ya'll (one world, one world)
We only got (one world, one world)
That's all we got (one world, one world)

And something's wrong with it (yea)
Something's wrong with it (yea)
Something's wrong with the w-w-world

We only got (one world, one world)
That's all we got (one world, one world)

¶ 5:40 AM

, 5:00 AM | back to the top.

I had to delete facebook from history because your name kept coming up.

¶ 5:00 AM

Monday, May 16, 2011, 6:15 PM | back to the top.

I don't think you deserve friends.

¶ 6:15 PM

Muse - Dead Star

, 3:07 AM | back to the top.

Shame on you
For thinking you're an exception
We're all to blame
Crashing down to Earth
Wasting and burning out, you're
Fading like a dead star, woah
Harm is coming your way
Yeah, it's coming your way

You used to be everything to me
And now you're tired of fighting
Tired of fighting
Fighting yourself

Shame on you
For thinking
You're all alone
If you want I'll make you wish you were
Failing to impress
Why can't you sleep with
Someone who'll protect you, yeah
Harm is coming your way
Yeah it's coming your way

You used to be everything to me
And now you're tired of fighting
Tired of fighting
Fighting yourself

¶ 3:07 AM

Sunday, May 15, 2011, 5:53 AM | back to the top.

Things in my life atm.

Methods SAC tomorrow. :/ Not exactly ready for this.
Parental lecture period about how fail I am.
Have to get down this song for Thursday which is too easy. So I'm trying to make it interesting.
Thursday around 6.30pm I'm going to some lecture at Monash on Engineering. I'm interested so I though I'd go.
English essay Tuesday..... If I do crap in this Hurley will take my head off.
Physics test?? I'm getting different dates for when this actually is so I don't know. Either way I'm not looking forward to it.
I've got a sus feeling about some weird family thing atm.
Pissed off at myself as usual.
Pissed off at others as usual.
Trying not to go Super Sayan 4 and spirit bombing the fuck outa the world.
Still wondering whether you ever gave a fuck.

weeewww

¶ 5:53 AM

Saturday, May 14, 2011, 7:14 PM | back to the top.

Karma is a bitch ain't it. But I'm still not satisfied.

¶ 7:14 PM

Wednesday, May 11, 2011, 5:19 AM | back to the top.

I've always wondered how some people can be so cold hearted. Like I refuse to believe in most cases that a single human being could be that heartless towards other people. It's like to them their existence is only secondary to their own. I'm sorry but other people in the world do exist. It's not as if we don't feel pain as you do. We do have emotions, we are real people.

Yet to some people we are secondary aren't we. People aren't disposable you know, nor can you recycle us. The marks you leave are always there to stay. But of course you don't care do you. The worse part is that these people feel no remorse at all. They just keep fucking doing it don't they, they use and use. Why don't you stop pretending to be innocent and start taking responsibility.

You know what kills me the most. Those little moments in everyday where I need to be reminded of everything. Words can't begin to describe how much I hate myself at those moments. Then that occasional glance where we lock eyes. It's as if time just stops infinitely at that moment, and I hear exactly what you think. You can't hide anything from me anymore. It's what you've always said isn't it. I guess I'll always be below your pathetic standards right. I see it in your eyes, no remorse, pure disgust. You wear your disguise well, but trust me when the truth comes out you are the one that will hurt, quite deserving too. I feel sorry for the next one. I hope your "friends" start to realise what type of person you are. Or maybe they already know. Either way whatever reasons I kept for not hating you are now gone. I'll never forgive you, I hope that brings you down. But of course it won't.

Yes I complain about all this I know, get over it.

¶ 5:19 AM

, 5:08 AM | back to the top.

You know it's funny how the world works. It's almost like everyone has the same story. However we are all at different stages, or at different ends of the story. You might approach a certain situation in life from one angle, however someone else might approach the same situation in their lives, at a different point, from a completely different perspective. I guess that's just one huge generalization ey.

¶ 5:08 AM

Tuesday, May 10, 2011, 3:41 PM | back to the top.

Here's an answer to your own question,
"Yes you are."
Stop asking questions you know the answers to.

¶ 3:41 PM

Saturday, May 7, 2011, 5:01 AM | back to the top.

I know the truth now. I'm satisfied in knowing I wasn't the only one. It really was you not me.
You can keep living your lie if you want.

¶ 5:01 AM

, 4:42 AM | back to the top.

PREEEEEEETTY GOOD DAY.

Got out of the house for once to go to the career's expo. Was pretty good. On the ride home I read some of the information booklets for various uni's and was surprised how relatively easy it is to get into the course I want.

I want to do Mechanical Engineering which at RMIT is an 84 ATAR. Which is definitely achievable. A double degree with Mechanical Engineering and Business Management is a 90.45 ATAR. Which is also achievable but with some hard work. Le sigh. Well at least I guess there is that much less pressure on myself now. BUT I really need to find out how hard it is for getting into Engineering at Monash. I know it's like early 90's, however in the booklet it doesn't have anything about a mechanical engineering course as such. Closest I found was Mechatronics which really isn't my thing. So I guess I'll have to go to Monash open day and ask around about it.

I know I'll just sound like I'm complaining like I do best, but I wish the system was a whole lot easier you know. VCE technically isn't that great of an indicator on one's abilities. But hey what can I do I guess.

¶ 4:42 AM

Wednesday, May 4, 2011, 4:18 PM | back to the top.

My rage at the moment can't be contained I swear.

¶ 4:18 PM

, 4:44 AM | back to the top.

Venting really helps a lot. Made me realise it's not just me that's been affected by you.
I really hate it how you never gave a fuck about me.
But now I know that's just your general view on everyone.
Except for that one person who you actually want to like you.

¶ 4:44 AM

confused ramblings

, 3:32 AM | back to the top.

I wonder if Metro trains can ever get it right. When my LATE TRAIN (by like 20 minutes or something) got to dandenong station the driver politely informed us that it was terminating there, so I had to catch ANOTHER TRAIN to get home. 3 trains in one trip to get home LOL (including the dandenong train I caught to noble park).

So yeah once again I think I'll spend tonight doing pretty much nothing. Not because of a lack of effort, but rather because I'm just not understanding Methods. Hopefully Ms Farrel or my tutor will clear things up for me. As for tomorrows test, I'm going to wing it and see what I get without any real preparation. If I do insanely bad, I think I going to consider dropping it and doing Unit 2 next semester instead.

As for all my subjects I just don't know at the moment. I'm up to date in chemistry which is definately a good thing. I mean I understand all of it so not too many worries yet.

Physics is just a pain. I guess I can get my head around most of it, so it shouldn't be too much of a worry I suppose. Some of it though it just so stupid. Mr Bohni told me though that the motion stuff coming up next semester is definately easier than electricity. All this nuclear physics crap at the moment just is a pain.

THEN there's english. Definately the subject I'm hating the most at the moment. Having a teacher who completely hates me for no apparent reason :/ I mean it makes no sense the way they are teaching it. I even had a conversation with Mr Key about those kinds of teachers. The teachers who expect the students just to learn with limited material. He told me about all his old teachers who would just dump work for you to do. And then there was that ONE teacher who actually would take the time to teach the students. And he's completely right, so many teachers do that. On a side note though Mr Key, (when you are on his good side), is the best guy. I consider him more a friend than a teacher. The number of life lessons he has taught me are in-valuable.

FINALLY there is Geography and I.T. I guess the subjects I'm not essentially worried about, or really trying at. Geography is straight forward and right now we are doing volcanoes which I covered heaps last year in "ice to fire". So I just tumblr most of the lesson. The class is probably one of my favourites because of how "CHILL" it is. LOL Teresa if you're reading this will understand. Plus Ms Abels is such an amazing teacher, she treats us all like her kids. At the moment there is this student teacher going over the volcano stuff and she asked the class a question. I knew the answer it was so simple. But of course I didn't put my hand up like most of us do when we actually know the answer. And Ms Abels who was sitting at the back of the room immediately looked at me. She knew I knew the answer, but she didn't say anything. Except for an awkward 10 minutes we had a mental conversation on the lines of.
Ms Abels: "DAMIEN why are you not saying the answer?"
Me: "I'm allowing the other students the opportunities".
Ms Abels: "You are so shy! I'm disappointed"
*que shake of head*
Me: "..... sorry miss."
*hides behind laptop screen*
LOL Ms Abels is such a good teacher. :P

OH and of course I.T. Which I'm not trying at all for. I guess at the start of the year I was considering doing it all seriously. But right now it's kinda just a fill in subject I guess. I'll most likely drop it next year. Python coding is definately something I don't find interesting. :/

SO YEAH THAT WAS MY RANT ABOUT METRO THAT SOMEHOW TURNED INTO ME DISCUSSING MY SUBJECTS AT THE MOMENT.

¶ 3:32 AM

Monday, May 2, 2011, 2:31 AM | back to the top.

Roadside - Rise Against

Tell me what I'm supposed to do,
With all these left over feelings of you;
'Cause I don't know

And tell me how I'm supposed to feel,
When all these nightmares become real;
'Cause I don't know

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we separate the lies here from the truth;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry.

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and down to dry.

'Cause I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do,
Exactly what to do.

¶ 2:31 AM

Sunday, May 1, 2011, 6:01 PM | back to the top.

First encounter of the term has been avoided successfully.

¶ 6:01 PM

first week back.

, 2:31 AM | back to the top.

First week of Term 2 is at an end. What a week. What surprised me most about this week was that it wasn't as bad as it could be. I mean the past could've leapt out and completely been a bitch to me. But it didn't happen, I guess moving on in life is the best option.

I came into the week all confident with Methods too. My tutor has really been a help surprisingly. Then of course there was Mr Kermond who just had to screw it all up. :/
His whole lecture about nearly crying because of the logs test results. At that moment all that motivation I had built up just disappeared. I guess the test was before that whole motivation build up, so I've still got hope for the next SAC. It's time to step up. I guess what Kermond said about repeating Methods next year will be completely pointless makes sense. With all that added pressure from all my other subjects, this really is my only chance to get Methods done right.

Besides my attitude towards school recently I've noticed something weird this week. Do you ever get that feeling like you are changing? Like the person you are now, is somewhat foreign to you. I don't know if I'm really making any sense but for some reason I feel so different. I guess all the shit that went down over the last month or so had something to do about it. It hasn't even entirely gone away yet. And that worries me. I mean I'm pissed off at myself! Which as I've been told previously is not how I should be feeling. But like really, should I really blame opposite parties. Isn't that what everyone finds so easy to do. When shit happens, always lay the blame on other people. But when I properly think about it, it wasn't anyone else. It was me doing what I do best. Although I can't lie, that anger underneath at you will always be there. I did some stupid things, but so did you. I guess that's what will always happen, some endless circle of blame, and in the end nothing gets fixed anyway. Fuck I wish that things would change.

¶ 2:31 AM