So the last week has been really testing for me. Some pretty major big things have happened which really have come as a shock to me. I guess life loves pushing you off path suddenly. It happens, but it will always catch you off guard. As smooth as you think things are going for you, something is always going to be there to throw you off. It's how nature and life works right. It's all a big test.

Lots of people have different ways on interpreting these sorts of things. Some take it as a "sign from god" or something with huge underlying meaning. In some respects I wish I could believe this. In a way it is nice knowing that everything that happens has a meaning which is supposed to help you. But personally I just think shit happens. Simple as that. If life wants to fuck around with you, it will, and you can't fucking do anything about it. I mean what in the world can you do when your parents fight, someone dies, or there is a huge terrorist attack. You as an individual can only look on.

And for me that hurts. Quite a bit. I mean I won't fully go into detail and digest my current family issues. But it's definitely not something I thought would ever happen to me. Do you have any idea how impossible it is to live in a household now where no one talks to each other. There is always a constant deathly silence slowly cutting in. Words can hurt a lot, but silence is something you should be so much more scared off. I just don't know when or who will be the first to snap. Me from the insanity of it all, but either one of my parents at the current situation.

And on top of all this shit going on at home there is school. Oh glorious school. And I mean that in some respects. I can get away from one hell just to enter another. But school is definitely seemingly the better option at current. I don't know whether having to deal with all the people is quite worth it at times however.

The people, oh the people. So I got an anonymous tip on tumblr the other day. Usually I really hate these anons, but this one seemed to be on "my side". They kindly offered me a link to something they thought is something I "should definitely read". I"m just guessing at this stage that what I was linked to was in regards to me. Now it could not be, I would really like it if it wasn't. But the nature of the material strongly suggests to me that it is. So that's how I'm going to interpret this.

Now I can put up with some things okay. But when someone pushes me, and I mean really fucking pushes. I will push back. And to have the fucking nerve to say this shit indirectly to me really hurts. Now I mean really fucking hurts. Some people reading this will probably not wanna "join my side" but seriously what the fuck have people been telling you? Now I know you don't care, and I know they don't care. I haven't been going around to people at all complaining about it, or asking anyone to fucking side with me. All I wanted was you to fuck off and get the hell out of my life. Because you are a "heartless bitch" to quote you. Yes I do want you to die in a hole, but the last thing I want is to drag this shit on. That's the whole reason I ended it in the first place. You were the worse thing that has ever happened to me. Simple as that. What gives you the right to say that shit. Everything does not revolve around me, I'm very clear of that. And I really can't even convey how hurt I am right now. I really thought things couldn't really get any worse than they did. But obviously I'm wrong. Fuck you, I do hope you die in a whole, I hope you live a lonely life, I hope you are unloved, I hope all your friends will see you for the slut you are, and I hope the rest of your life will be a miserable wreck. Maybe then will I be able to get some sort of justification for what a "heartless bitch" you are.

And you know what I'm fucking done. Done with all this shit. These "friendships" that are somehow related to you. If your friends are so sick of me then fine. I'll never friend with them again. And while I'm at it I'll drop all that other loose baggage I've got at the moment. All these stupid mother fucking "friends". People who I trusted, people who have meant something to me. Understand this, for me to properly friend someone means I actually fucking value you okay. So screw this who needs friends right? They all in someway fuck you over.

I have literally halved the number of people I consider friends now, and I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm definitely thinking it's good right now. Why bother having stupid attachments to people to be considered sociably acceptable. I'm not counting on anyone anymore. Go live your plastic lives.